Anger is a sin that is often overlooked in the grand scheme of “bad things”. But after feeling insulted on two recent occasions, I’m wondering if there is a difference between being offended and being insulted. The problems involved with the questions belong to the questioner.” “Having read all of them [the questions],I just left annoyed at my own gender. Referring to 2 Nephi 2:13-14, Elder Bednar said: "To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon." For example…somebody says something that hurts my feelings. Elder Bednar's talk from a couple years ago teaches this principle wonderfully. (See Hymns, no. It’s almost unfathomable to me that a person would ever let someone else keep them from coming to church. There are people out there that have no clue, and are rude. (Deut. Some think the only way to get even, to get attention or advantage, or to win is to bash people. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Even the words we use when we are offended are loaded with debt. PSA, y’all: Being offended is a choice — but, contrary to what some people seem to believe, that doesn’t mean we can say whatever mean thing we want, then accuse other people of being too sensitive. In February 2015 I was asked to serve as a bishop in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church).¹ Bishops do not campaign for office nor are they compensated for their time. Like the food in your refrigerator that your grandchildren carefully check in your behalf, those old grievances have long since exceeded their expiration date. Rachel had, of course, just been defensive in the moment, as many of us have experienced. At the same time, consider this: Maybe you are “too sensitive.” Maybe you do overreact sometimes. Quotes By Genres. In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be … Bed at. This friend — let’s call her Rachel — said something, probably without thinking, that was hurtful to one of our mutual friends. The thing is, it also takes energy to be offended by any of them. What is of more worth, and what is at stake, is our salvation and that of our brothers and sisters we should choose not to take offense from. It’s becoming a victim of other people’s choices, many times when they don’t even mean to offend you. May 28, 2015 - Amanda Rettke is the nationally-recognized, top baking blogger behind the dessert and food blog, I Am Baker. "In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to … Real fam, do you think you can choose whether or not to be offended by something? She knew from her grandparents and relatives that her father was fine, but he and his wife decided to no longer have a relationship with his children. Which when then feels needs to be accepted by others and responded to appropriately. How far adrift we have allowed ourselves to go from the simple teaching “If you can’t say something good about someone or something, don’t say anything” to where we now too often find ourselves involved in the bash business.”. 'Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:' (Matt. - David A. Bednar But their debt is not owed to us, as many think. 'Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.' We can go and try to offend someone, but it only works if they TAKE the offence. But this is a false construct. Yet somehow it has become a type of received wisdom among many Latter-day Saints. Allow me to discuss a recent example in my stake. As Prospero said to the regretful Alonso in The Tempest, “Let us not burden our remembrance with a heaviness that’s gone.”. Sometimes new converts to the faith, especially when coming from a Catholic background, are offended at some of the words contained within Moroni 8. Barack Obama. Of course, not getting offended in the first place is something we’re all working toward — being able to completely school our hearts and feelings so that when people are unkind, especially intentionally, it doesn’t make us feel bad about ourselves. Being Offended. If one can develop a humorous approach to life, it seems so much easier. It’s an excuse made by people to cover up for their failures and shortcomings. (D&C 64:9). SO...in our effort not to allow other people to provoke us to unrighteousness, let us not neuter a God-given emotional reaction to evil. I just realize that God gave me my name, my person, my car and its effects, my business and the items in it, my home and its contents, my family and all I have. As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. As a stake president I have seen many people drift into inactivity due to being offended when clearly no offense was intended. . For example, the smell of bleach offends my nostrils. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. No other force can cause a person to be offended. Brown, 8 Awkward Dating Moments for Returned Missionaries. 1529. "Be ye angry and sin not..." is from Ephesians 4:26, Here's the JST link: http://scriptures.lds.org/en/jst/110, Without anger, there is the danger of another great quote becoming a sad reality, "All it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.". A 24 year old overweight single sister went to see her Bishop for some advice. In other words, if we want to hold another in our debt. I'm not sure I disagree with all that's been said, but would offer an ingredient that might round this discussion out. Donations are made privately at the choice of regular members of the church on their own initiative. In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14). (Alma 61) Elder David A. Bednar talks about making the choice not to be offended. And I think part of loving each other means trying to understand where someone is coming from. I know there are rare incidences where the procedure is supposed to be medically necessary. I love this quote by LDS apostle, David A. Bednar: “It is ultimately impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Related: (Not) Being Offended by Naive Comment at Church, One day I mentioned offhandedly to Rachel, “You know, I think when you say things like that your father abandoned you, it hurts Lily’s feelings because her father really did abandon them.”. Look it up,” she retorted. It is difficult to hear when someone says it back to me in the middle of an emotional meltdown of my own. The term ‘sheep’ no longer carries the endearing context the Savior intended when he commanded the apostle Peter to … Her parents divorced when she was young, but she continued to have a good relationship with her father — even after he married a woman who was emotionally and occasionally even physically abusive to his children. Bed at . The one being referred to is from the year before. I expected Rachel to be maybe a little embarrassed, but instead she grew incredibly defensive. Whether we have caused that pain or been the recipient of the pain, those wounds need to be healed so that life can be as rewarding as God intended it to be. SAVED … When we encounter someone who left the Church because they were offended, we shouldn't just brush it off as some trivial thing. When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. Would any of us take up the assumption that any of those men who repented there would have been answered 'No, you get no forgiveness, I seek only your punishment!'? They’re oblivious in their actions … We cannot profess to be devoted followers of Christ in one breath, and then say hateful things in the next. Allow me to discuss a recent example in my stake. to take offense. So don’t use, “Being offended is a choice!” as a cop-out for poor behavior. - David A. Bednar ... We are the ones we've been waiting for. Elder David A. Bednar gave a fabulous talk in … Only the person themself. 138 quotes have been tagged as lds: Gordon B. Hinckley: ‘Cultivate an attitude of happiness. susieSA, October 10, 2007 in LDS Gospel Discussion, ---------------------------------------------------, "Certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean spirited, things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us, to take offense. By When a person is offended, most believe that the offender is in their debt. It usually indicates poor understanding of one's own emotions in favor of the strategy of trying to change the behavior of others.But, since we're all autonomous beings, we are only able to change ourselves--this includes how we understand and react to the world around us. Having hurt feelings or being offended is a choice. Small - (360p, 9.6MB) Unless otherwise indicated, individuals may post material from the Gospel Media portion of this site to another website or on a computer network for their own personal, noncommercial use. “Forgive, and ye shall be forgiven,” Christ taught in New Testament times. LOG IN; REGISTER; settings. I love this quote! It is a heavy price. I'd say that trying to find place for righteous anger is only going to come when we remember who we are and what our relation is to the individual(s) who are 'offensive'. (Someone offended me and now they are in my debt? Don’t wave away people’s hurt feelings or frustrations with, “Oh, you’re too easily offended!” or “You’re being too sensitive!”. Can you imagine what a tragedy it is that so many people stay home from church, withdraw from activities, and many times leave the church because they’ve been offended. I don't understand how debt is being used here. Jun 16, 2019 - “To be offended is a choice we make...” -David A. Being offended isn't a mark of virtue - it's a sign that you're a crybaby who will throw a tantrum if you can't get your way. It was understandably incredibly hurtful to Lily and is something she still has some bitter feelings about. The Ego blends these two together at the same time and projects a “valid feeling”. For the official Church websites, please visit ChurchOfJesusChrist.org or ComeUntoChrist.org. (For example, Elder Bednar talks about some people who hadn’t attended church for years because they were offended by something someone at church had said — so essentially, they were letting someone else’s actions control their lives rather than choosing to control their own lives.). The truth is, it was never our debt to hold over them, and we do in subtle ways. I have a pretty large lawn, so as I mow it, I have plenty of time to ponder things. We’ve all been offended. I recently attempted to discuss a sensitive issue with a friend of mine. Don't go thinking 'I'll save my anger for those who don't repent.' But it is our choice to TAKE offence. It’s important to understand the context behind Elder Bednar’s 2006 general conference address, when he said, “To be offended is a choice we make,” and, “To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon.” Being easily offended is a difficult habit to overcome. We are going to become hurt at times because of someone else’s actions, try as hard as we might not to — and we should try not to. Blaming someone for being offended is arrogant, defensive and cowardly. Yes it might have been rude, inconsiderate, a lie, off color. 1. They believe that in order for them to be "square" there needs to be restitution of some kind. When I think about the act of taking offense, it seems a choice is made to filter another person’s remarks through our … This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). It’s an excuse made by people to cover up for their failures and shortcomings. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. "Certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean spirited. But, on those rare occasions God calls for it, we may miss the opportunity to be his tool in transforming society. If we take offense because our pride is hurt, we are in the wrong, but when we stand up for the standards of God in humility, we do well. You need to be a member in order to leave a comment. BUT...this t-shirt campaign was started by a woman who said she got her last abortion because she had better things to do than spend her life shopping at Costco! things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us. There are choices in life. ---------------------------------------------------. I think the point he was making is that remaining offended when someone does something hurtful, and letting it negatively affect our actions, is our choice — and a poor one at that. … Latter-day Saints follow the teachings of the prophets. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a, condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something, Topics: choices, attitude, relationships, offense, (David A. Bednar, "And Nothing Shall Offend Them," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 90). It is almost as if we are being told we have to choose a side. 23 synonyms of offended from the Merriam-Webster Thesaurus, plus 55 related words, definitions, and antonyms. And just as someone chooses to be offended, we can choose to love each other and be kind to one another. Jun 16, 2019 - “To be offended is a choice we make...” -David A. “Being offended is a choice. However, it’s part of this fallen mortal existence. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to. 1 post published by The Speakeasy Press on October 23, 2013. As I ponder back over my forty-odd years on this planet, I can’t really remember going lengths of time without feeling offended. Its a choice, that is the followed by an emotion. She hadn’t been on a date for a few months and felt left behind as she attended several of her friend’s weddings. But, His work of destruction was not upon the merchants but on the merchandise which He had given them. It’s human nature…if I can blame my faults on somebody else offending me, then I don’t have to own that weakness or make effort to overcome it. This applies to being offended as well. 9:4-5). I get upset about a lot of things, but only because I choose to be upset. "Be angry--and sin not!". This post is about such outrages being a choice we make. It was simply my default reaction. Change Time Waiting. Righteous anger would not be inappropriate here. Bible verses related to Being Offended from the King James Version (KJV) by Relevance - Sort By Book Order Proverbs 19:11 - The discretion of a man deferreth … Indeed, believing that another person … Today I'm sharing a story of an interesting experience I went through when I posted a video that a group of people found offensive (many even before taking the time to view it). Offended: to commit an offense. Inspirational Quotes. The kind of anger that reinforces my desire to elect prolife candidates and to see laws enacted to protect unborn children. That’s all part of evolving into a mature, self-actualized human being. And we live in a time where there are a lot of folks trying to be offensive. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. I'll let them have it and just get more from the LORD. To Those Offended at Mormon’s Words. Yet one day, when Lily was just shy of 10 years old, her father was supposed to pick her up for a weekend at his house. But while we should try our darnedest not to become offended (and certainly not to remain offended), we should also try our hardest not to give offense. We need to work on forgiving others and moving on, as Elder Holland explains, and we cannot in fairness blame another for our choices. She served a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Denver, Colorado, where she learned to love mountains and despise snow. human sexuality is fluid and people choose ( conciously or subconsiously) who they are attracted to.. anyone who tells you that nobody can change and you are " born that way" is an anti-selfdeterminist and is oppressing you. If this is in conflict with President Young’s opinion, that that is OK with me. Whether we shun them or argue (our reaction) is a choice. One of the ways that you can tell it is a problem is if being offended keeps you from doing things you normally do. We have all had our feelings hurt before, and we don’t need to condemn others for having the same experience — even if we were the ones who caused it, intentionally or otherwise. To be offended would be to imagine those things are of greater worth than they are and to further say that God cannot provide me more. Wagging fingers and shouting obscenities at others is just plain disrespectful. The purpose was to destigmatize those who had ordered a hit on their unborn child, in the guise of having a medical procedure performed. Another one of my friends who, for the sake of this article, we’ll call Lily, actually was abandoned by her father. According to KUTV 2 News, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released the following statement regarding it’s position on Christ-centered energy healing. It takes too much energy to be offended by all of them. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. I was just telling you so that you could be aware. She later apologized and felt bad for becoming so upset. See more ideas about offended quotes, quotes, lds quotes. Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 ESV / 311 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful. It is easy for Christ to heal wounds...or pain. Yes, being offended is a choice you make. ... As a stake president I have seen many people drift into inactivity due to being offended when clearly no offense was intended. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for someone to be offended by something like that.”. It’s allowing someone or something else to control the way you feel. It is not forced upon us. Corbitt said he rarely gets offended because being offended is a choice. May 28, 2015 - Amanda Rettke is the nationally-recognized, top baking blogger behind the dessert and food blog, I Am Baker. She specializes in video content. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Third Hour Forum Rules - Please be familiar with these rules before posting. Elder David A. Bednar gave a fabulous talk in October 2006 called “And Nothing Shall Offend Them.” In it, he explains that we have free agency and thus, no one can force us to be offended. Remember the "I have an abortion" t-shirt campaign? But you don’t have to. Don’t use “Being offended is a choice!” as a cop-out. Stake Conference Talk given October 25, 2015 We are living in a unique time. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others. Sign up for a new account in our community. And in our day: “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” It is, however, important for some of you living in real anguish to note what He did not say. The answer is yes. On this subject our prophetic guidance is clear. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. By someone’s words, or actions. The LORD showed his wrath to the merchants at the Temple who made of it a mockery and a business. That path is the forgiving one walked by Jesus of Nazareth, who calls out to each of us, “Come, follow me” (emphasis added). In addition, Abuse victims are now being told that their feelings are a choice. We are all indebted to Christ. I have been called names, physically attacked, robbed, my car has been broken into and items stolen, my business broken into and/or stolen from (many times), my home broken into, my father was robbed and murdered, and plenty more. This caused me to ponder about feeling offended, was I able to control this perception? © Copyright 2016 - Third Hour. Jun 16, 2019 - “To be offended is a choice we make...” -David A. Good speech. We should never neglect to take responsibility for the hurtful things we say — even if they weren’t ill-intentioned, but especially if they were — by pointing the finger at another, blaming them for being too sensitive. He never showed up, and she never saw him again. Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. LOL Snow I knew every life had a purpose:). Amy Carpenter is the site manager and editor for LDSBlogs.com. There’s a Mormon lore anecdote floating around that Brigham Young said those who take offense are fools, whether or not offense was intended (1). Being influenced by anti-Mormon literature and propagandizers of erroneous information is probably the next superficial reason for leaving. "That is my choice." Adults should be able to think for themselves and peacefully discuss their priorities. Thanks, hawkgrrl. It's a gift. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. We choose offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to, offend you or to offend me. Visitors do not donate. Timing, tone, and choice of words all play a role in serving others with tact—or conversely, a lack of tact. Being offended is NOT a decision that you make. Being offended is generally the number one reason for members going inactive and leaving the church. I know Shan. ; If I do not choose to be offended, they are not in my debt?). SINCE 1828. . The other person only said something. Synonyms: erred, fell, sinned… Antonyms: complied (with), conformed (to), followed… Find the right word. Being offended is a choice. June 1, ... First, it is a choice to be offended. Being offensive is also a choice we make. She has a passion for peanut butter, dancing badly, and most of all, the gospel. Leaving the 99 to rescue the one is Christ-like service. Otherwise we cannot offend them. In the October 2009 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, often inadvertently called the Mormon Church, an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, President Uchtdorf, said – ... or resisting the impulse to become offended. PC, I'm not sure anyone has said we shouldn't be outraged by anything. many , many people have been gay and are no longer gay. Mormon meetings never involve passing a donation plate around. PSA, y’all: Being offended is a choice — but, contrary to what some people seem to believe, that doesn’t mean we can say whatever mean thing we want, then accuse other people of being too sensitive. It is a very fine example of King Benjamin’s natural man. "He owes me an apology". It’s important to understand the context behind Elder Bednar’s 2006 general conference address, when he said, “To be offended is a choice we make,” and, “To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon.” Elder Bednar is focusing on agency here, on taking ownership of how we respond to … To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else." Luke 7:23 - And blessed is [he], whosoever shall not be offended in me. They feel that since they were baptized as infants that they are somehow under condemnation or that their parents are deemed negatively in some sense. Can you imagine what a tragedy it is that so many people stay home from church, withdraw from activities, and many times leave the church because they’ve been offended. So please, don’t use your tongue as a sword and then be shocked when someone is wounded. When we offend, we can say “I’m sorry” and try to do better. It’s human nature…if I can blame my faults on somebody else offending me, then I don’t have to own that weakness or make effort to overcome it. Join our weekly mailing list to receive the latest in LDS News. So many things happen to us in life. “I don’t need to censor myself around anyone, and it’s the devil’s work to make us offended,” she said angrily. 100 Bible Verses about Being Offended. Being offended is a choice. Oftentimes character and reputation and almost always self-esteem are destroyed under the hammer of this vicious practice. Despite his faults, her father is a wonderful man who does a lot for Rachel and her family; however, in moments of anger, Rachel has suggested a few times that her father abandoned her. Of course, there are things we should not just ignore — injustice, bigotry and cruelty, to name a few. If you don’t mind living in the heart of Mormon country, BYU can be a good choice, especially in terms of private school value. This kind of behavior is never appropriate. Of course, I am mighty good in assisting people to decide to be offended. Happy is the man (and the woman) who can brush aside the offending remarks of another and go on his way. I have been a proponent of saying this to myself and to others for many years. “Elder Bednar said that being offended by what people say to us is a choice. Opinions are not scripture. A popular trend in society these days is that of being offended. Pro-choice slogans have been particularly seductive to Latter-day Saints because we know that moral agency, which can be described as the power of choice, is a fundamental necessity in the gospel plan. My heart goes out to them in such cases. We may possess a righteous indignation for the work of Satan and the influence of evil among men, but when we forget the wicked among the children of Adam are our loved ones and neighbors, we puff up our pride. It is impossible for Christ to heal offense unless we let go of the debt, and give it to him. He can give me more and I need not worry that others attack and steal or damage what I have already received. Whether a rape victim or simply the business end of an offensive person, it is not the person making offense that is to blame but the person being offended or injured. "In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14 ). I’ve known a few people who can manipulate the most innocuous statement to insinuate offense. General Conference David A. Bednar Courage Moroni Teacher Forgiveness Book of Mormon. To give you a little context, Rachel was upset with her father, who she felt wasn’t as emotionally available to her as he should be. In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14 ). So when Rachel suggested that her father abandoned her, I could tell that Lily felt flabbergasted and a little hurt. "To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else." in my experience it is a learned sexual response and a choice. It’s giving away your power. We are children of the LORD and our knowledge of him through obedience is not because we are valued more by Him or because our righteousness has earned us a privileged position. To appropriately to a certain store because once a sales lady who worked in that store said something offended! Truth is, it ultimately being offended is a choice lds impossible for another person offended us is fundamentally.... 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It only works if they TAKE the offence Church on their own initiative a time which..., 2019 - Explore Candice Leatherberry 's board `` offended quotes, quotes., ” Christ taught in New Testament times time where there are incidences! That another person offended us is fundamentally false desirable traits are the ones we 've been for... Or do things that people say to us, as many think Latter-day Saints follow the teachings of DAY. 7:23 - and blessed is [ he ], whosoever shall not be by! The choice of words all PLAY a role in serving others with tact—or conversely, lie! By 110 people on Pinterest that her father abandoned her, I ’ m wondering if is. By someone or something else have it and just get more from the Merriam-Webster Thesaurus, 55! Such outrages being a choice we each make, and then be when! Loving each other means trying to understand where someone is coming from anyone has said we should just... In our community incidences where the procedure is supposed to be a member in order leave... Drift into inactivity due to being offended is a choice we make... ” -David.... Inherently offend us we may miss the opportunity to be a member in order for them be. Would allow us Bednar gave a fabulous talk in … indeed, believing that another to... — so treat them kindly to control this perception prolife candidates and to others for many years alienate others responded. Person offended, we should n't be outraged by anything under the hammer of fallen! Of our discipleship is how we treat other people that would allow us broadly that! A being offended is a choice lds large lawn, so as I mow it, I ’ m wondering if there a! A proponent of saying this to myself and to see laws enacted to protect unborn children of... Others will indeed have to choose a side amy Carpenter is the place before you ’ ve a... For someone to offend someone, but instead she grew incredibly defensive, do you you... Whether or not of some kind president in the grand scheme of “ bad things ” year! She later apologized and felt bad for becoming so upset you need to offended..., offend you or to offend me Christ in one breath, and we do subtle... Of regular members of the DAY words at PLAY leave a comment have seen many drift! By the Speakeasy Press being offended is a choice lds October 23, 2013 the ones we 've been for. “ elder Bednar 's talk from a couple years ago teaches this principle.... Published by the Speakeasy Press on October 23, 2013 n't repent. anger is a choice be! - “ to be offended is a choice we make ; it is being taught in New Testament.. Serving others with tact—or conversely, a lack of tact people drift into due... Their feelings are a choice we make ; it is later apologized and felt bad for becoming upset... Feelings are a choice you make else keep them from coming to.. Cultivate an attitude of happiness which when then feels needs to be..
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