And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. Its called lying. I cried and felt so depressed. I dont understand the level of anger sparked by this man not wanting to be physically involved in this childs life. Heres the fact: LW, you dont get a say in what this woman does, and neither does your boyfriend. Just something to think about. He knows how to make a baby, and he knows how to avoid making a baby. April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. If he wore a condom and if she was on the pill, hes an idiot because what? honeybeenicki Focus on that though, and you are going to have a miserable life. And they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. I think the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are good, caring, nurturing parents. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. He cant try and opt out of the rules that he knew he was playing by when he had sex with this woman. The more you fight for another womans man, the more desperate you look. He doesnt have to have a romantic relatioship with her, but if she keeps the baby, and IF he is a real man, then this woman will be in his life for the rest of his, as the child is her child as well as his. That is how we got our first kid. April 9, 2012, 7:33 pm. I showed up late to the hot debate in the comments (damn you work lol), but to put this in perspective for me, I was born to relatively young parents and now at 25, my dad is a few years older then this gem of a man in this letter. Babies are malarky. These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. Its still good advice if the letter his fake, actually, since there certainly are people in this situation. In any event, Im happy to hear what youve shared already! Cmon now, youd never buy that argument for forcing the woman to have the child. Well, custody deals with life choices (what school they go to, what religion theyre raised as, what kind of medical treatments they get, etc.). And realize that when you have sex, you could very well get someone pregnant. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. Cant say Id give one to a stranger but intercourse with a stranger isnt my cup of tea either. Because when the woman has a baby, she isnt a slave to anything. At this point, its an easy thing to resolve this without decades of support and animosity. April 9, 2012, 2:14 pm. Run as if your life depends on it because it does. Steve Kellmeyer meaning, i was on the pill, i brought condoms, i asked about testing. The thought of a child waiting for him at home makes going away so much easier. I just dont see why thats ok but its not ok for the guy to essentially do the same thing but then have to pay. iseeshiny Thats reality. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. He still has to pay. That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? evanscr05 And I think the LW is just as much of an ass or whatever other word you want to insert as the bf in question. No real comment from me today. You are being played with a capital P! This is a man that has never stopped cheating on you. Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? Which brings me to my question for LW: You say your boyfriend is 40 years old, but how old are YOU? Sounds like its coming out of the starting blocks with two strikes against it in the gene pool department. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. Not only to prevent babies but to protect yourself from STDs. Sue Jones But what a guy usually doesn't take into consideration is that a lot has happened after the breakup. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! Fyrebyrd2 Whos the daddy? Blood is not everything. Seriously, doesnt anyone get off on oral anymore? And the man? As for the whole mans right to not be a parent to a child thing, I agree with _jsw_. Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. His baby momma, the woman he claims he doesnt love and doesnt want to be with, is threatening to harm herself and the baby if he doesnt be with her. I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. April 10, 2012, 7:42 pm. Choose. Ive heard of stuff like this from friends of mine, where theyve been in relationships and their BF finds out his ex got pregnant and blah blah blah so take it as you will, I guess. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? Women dont get off requiring men to do it. He sounds like bad news. I am pro-choice, for both woman and for men. Even if she was on birth control. He was not tricked into having sex with her without protection. Also I take that because your boyfriend knew she was on the pill he didnt use a condom. There is a chance it isnt his. Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. .. but what if she did deceive him? We . Actually no. BGM- multiple people disagreeing with you is not necessarily a sign of needless solidarity that makes you sound paranoid. It;s an even bigger dickish move, dare I say cuntish move to fucking LIE about being on the pill to get knocked up Or maybe shes just a fucking idiot and cant figure out how to follow the directions on a prescription bottle. That is not her fault. SpaceySteph Thats true, but by the same token, wait a bit (a few days or at least a full conversation) to see if you can get along with someone on a basic level before jumping into bed with them. Im late to this, but WHAT THE FUCK. Because guess what? Gain some maturity and realize that you have no part in this decision, shes decided to keep the baby, shes the one who will be carrying the baby, raising the baby, etc Grow up LW and dump him. I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. Of course life is unfair. Or is it Dear Wendy gender wars where the men stick together to excuse bad behavior of men while the women cry foul? Now, I highly doubt the LWs boyfriends baby mother to be is psychotic as my friends former hook up. He has been torn up by the pain he has caused me. Ive done that on a number of occasions. Dont like the consequences? Whatever. However, my point isnt that children should not be supported. exactly hes allowed to not want to be a father, but be smarter about birth control. REALLY?! April 9, 2012, 3:04 pm, Ill continue playing devils advocate here today If you were driving your car, and looked down at the time, and hit the child would you ask the parents of that child to not report you to the police, because its also there fault for letting there child run in to the street? Here are the 5 signs that he/she is in one: They started the relationship before they ended it (or as they were ending it) with you.. Addie Pray Having unprotected sex is not a crime, but if you have sex without a condom with someone you dont know or trust entirely yet, you need to know that there is the possibility a child could be conceived, either by accident or deception. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. He must be a complete scumbag, because no one ever has sex without a condom unless they intend to have children or are scumbags. Can you elaborate? Your boyfriend is a scumbag and you should probably not have anything to do with him. I mean every word! Chuck Pelto I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. iseeshiny Exactly, so if knowing this you still choose to proceed with anything that could result in a pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself if you become a parent. Ahtrue, I reread the letter, and it did say ask not order as I remembered. April 9, 2012, 11:46 am. There is no child at conception very good. We should use it more often. She never said an unkind word about him and made sure I knew that hed fulfilled his obligations by paying child support. Cold, but I suppose not unheard of. Answer (1 of 60): I would drop kick him out the door. Thanks for the clarification. Pardon my French but if youre going to stick your dick into a stranger, you need to take birth control into your own hands and not rely on her word alone. As a woman, you have control over that. This discussion sure got crazy though! Chuck Pelto I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? Although I cant decide if shes purely a straight-up C.U.N.T. make sure you use back up protection! LOL. BTW, has he heard about condoms?? I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. entertaining for sure, but dont be so surprised when people call you out on it a la Landygirl. Last I checked being gay doesnt mean you are also a genius who never makes mistakes. Thats what youre always nattering about. I dont think hed be right to be furious in many possible scenarios that would still fit what was said in this letter, but there are ones that would which I think would cause justifiable fury. Im pretty surprised by some of the stances shes made on this thread and I do enjoy and almost always agree with her comments. And, you are not the choice. He does nothing about the situation and when I try to talk about it, we never resolve the issue; he just says Im right but does nothing about it because she continues to do it. The calculus is income dependent based on whos the higher earner. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. I love the argument that the women receiving child support are just sipping margaritas all day while getting mani/pedis on this income. Why he would be furious with anyone other than himself is beyond me. John Rohan Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. So sad that anyone would think its even necessary to implement such a system. If men abandon a child, you have a child with needs that take precedent over fairness to the abandoning parent. Its when I disagree that I usually feel I want to write a comment. And how can you be mad at the woman? Exactly. But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. April 9, 2012, 12:08 pm. Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup. Kansas City, Missouri. April 9, 2012, 5:48 pm. Ill never leave you. Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case. Oh, may be you should marry him and fantasize what kind of fun he is having whenever hes late coming home, or fearful he would leave you when you, like that woman, passed 40; or be told to get rid of your baby who is inconvenient to him. Any woman who cant see the pleasure in such a sacrifice is too selfish to be in a relationship. The kid isnt a rapist, the mother is. But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. Youre wrong. This isnt about a child who has been born and who has needs. landygirl female By nothing to do with their lifestyle choices do you mean never put it in her because I dont think we make men pay child support to women they have not had sex with. Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. Having placement, on the other hand, does, and what Im saying is that when it comes down to where are the kids going to stay, in situations where everything else is equal, the default position is still with the mother in most courts, with the fathers visitation dependent on how close to equal the two parents are. Addie Pray Because one of the known outcomes is happening to him and hes pissed at someone else. Mother hits hard times and ends up going on either Medicaid or Temporary Assistance/Welfare. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. I wouldnt. am . ColorsOfTheWind makes excellent points, and I agree; however, Id quibble with the phrase grown-up problems. Not good enough. April 10, 2012, 4:35 pm. reader, confused.i.is+, writes (25 January 2008): All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft. But really, no one knows his true reaction. we broke up and he got another girl pregnant. And how do you know you wouldnt do the same thing she is? April 10, 2012, 6:58 pm. It's not that bad (though I'll take an IUD's 0.6%, thanks). lets_be_honest Every woman who has given a child up for adoption is, in your mind, an immature asshole. In a perfect, totally fair world, both men and women would get stuck with pregnancy and rearing of children because they both equally engage in the sex that results in the pregnancy. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. Given the particularities and context of any particular situation, there is a lot of unfairness to go around. Chuck(le) Scenario 2. all the time i thought so until 1 faithful day, i got pregnant. female Really? Roe v. Wade merely established that abortion is a privacy issues and that a womans right to choose what is done with her body takes precedent over the rights of a state to prevent abortion. If the father is ready to accept 100% responsibility for his actions and keep the child, but the woman, not ready for motherhood, wants to abort the child and move on, what do we call this woman? Itll be hard work, but I genuinely think it can be done. Both sexes suffer from inequalities in the reproductive process due to biology. Adoption is a completely different matter. There were no hard feelings). Cookie Notice Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. 1970 Mustang Mach I "Synergy Green Pearl"351 Cleveland - Fuel Injection "The Rattle Shaker" Complete nut and bolt rotisserie restoration LESS than 500 miles by C.A.R.S. You may love and care for this man and attack the other women all day long, but at the end of the day, you do not have a relationship and nothing has changed. Another thing that happened in my friends case is that at the same time that they signed things to waive his parental rights, the mother had the child adopted by her fiance and then her fiances name was put on the birth certificate from the get go (though, this was all done behind my friends back and that part was done without his consent, nor was even discussed). No. It happens, some people are incredibly fertile. But they should try and work together to create a decent life for the child it does not have to be in a relationship with one another though. Been there Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. It isnt pertinent to the discussion. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. Um, yeah. And the case for this man gets more and more ridiculous. Life is unfair. That fact just rubs me the wrong way.
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