And a funny bone., 10. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. I am fine. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. 71. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. You wanna know who Im in love with? Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. It gets toad away. 55. 190. So, why not team them up? Stuart Turner Albert King 79. 267. What is the tallest building in the entire world? "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. You never run out of things that can go wrong. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 18. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 130. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. 80. I tried, but they wanted cash. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Sam Levenson. 4. Why is England the wettest country? Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 141. 167. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. 151. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. Steven Wright I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. "I receive what I believe.". 14. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. I feed my spirit. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Why was six scared of seven? Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. I am here to live to the fullest. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. 131. 236. 5. 135. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. - Irish Saying. I am grateful for that time. Words have the power to make or break us. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Short people with an umbrella. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. How do trees access the internet? We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. He who laughs last didnt get it. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. What is Mozart doing right now? If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 229. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Need to send some positive energy your way? These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Alright, get in the basket.. 63. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? 24. Ted Turner. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. Exercise? Ann Landers, 244. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Your life is your message to the world. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. 9. 209. Alison Boulter. It's OK to take a break. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Gary Delaney, 248. Breasts dont have eyes. 126. 40. Love your enemies. 78. 1. Leave me a if you agree! Funny Friday Quotes. My mistakes dont define me. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Gary Delaney The thing is, I am still getting ready. I'm a peli-can! But even if this does happen, who cares? If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Swimming trunks. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. 82. I nourish my body every day. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. When nothing is going right, go left. I receive what I believe. 65. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. 16. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. 202. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Never take life seriously. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. 227. 154. Why cant you trust an atom? I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. 270. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. I just go normal from time to time. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Bill Murray I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. Steve Martin This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. I honor that time. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Stop trying to make everyone happy. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 139. But then again so does . 109. 187. 247. 8. 2. Theres no stopping me now. Because they make up everything. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. 182. Best friends eat your food. 87. ". 27. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. Your words become your actions. Art doesnt transform. 227. Albert King. 17. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. I love my job only when Im on vacation. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 91. 119. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. 184. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. 271. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. We have a connection. 93. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. Chris Rock, 256. 272. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. 34. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. 268. 96. 161. When they go away, its a brighter day. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Wonderwoman: single. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. 108. 20. You were too lazy to read that number. I am tough and resilient. 65. 279. We all need a little energy boost here and there. What do I do for a living? Stuart Turner, 247. I am quite fascinating. 102. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. They planet. You can only be young once. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. 278. 266. 76. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. I can always think of something funny to say. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 122. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. 253. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 64. 100. 37. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 215. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Send me the link. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. Not everyone has good taste., 3. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. 32. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. I dont worry about getting older. Robert Bloch. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Actually, you dont have to imagine. 159. Yeah, so is a grenade. 11. You can only be young once. I am full of vitality. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. 103. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. 147. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. Im describing you. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 199. If only common sense were more common. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Cry a river. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 130. 14. 36. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Love your enemies. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. The best things in life are free. 192. 174. 212. Not me, but somebody does. 216. Best friends eat your food. At night, I cant fall asleep. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Any text will do. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 4. Steven Alexander Wright 159. So far, so good. 201. Sam Levenson. 186. Use this space for describing your block. Henny Youngman, 246. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? - Bob Hope. 26. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Walter Bagehot Milton Berle, 245. 71. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Live life to the fullest. It gets toad away. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. 245. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. 275. When life closes a door, just open it again. Life is becoming easier and less serious. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 199. Lily Tomlin "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". 24. Its okay, he woke up. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Batwoman: single. Jackie Collins, 240. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Funny positive affirmations do work. 154. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. And a funny bone. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. 61. 267. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. 114. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. Can February march? Dave Barry Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 9. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. 174. 88. Never judge a book by its movie. Albert Einstein, 190. Hes dreaming too. 160. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Charles M. Schulz Your actions become your habits. I have a lot to offer. Life always offers you a second chance. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. 211. 6. 57. I enjoy every minute of it. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. 140. 123. It may feel useless but just get into it. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 3. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? 109. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 2. 165. 47. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. 163. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. Socrates. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. 90. I see the funny side of life more and more. Sincerely, the floor. My mind is becoming much sharper. 114. 97. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. 1. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 120. 1. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! 59. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. I love my body. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. East Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 115. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. 46. 47. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? God has never abandoned me. Don't forget to be awesome. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. A backbone. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. I draw from my inner strength and light. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 97. 1. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. Happy Birthday.". Today I was a hero. Theres life without Facebook and internet? I train my body. I make the right choices every time. Positive mindset affirmations. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. 165. 57. 103. I did not trip and fall. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 182. 156. Not me, but somebody does. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 15. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. 112. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. 169. 257. 276. 45. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. 69. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 77. 250. 176. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. 169. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. They log in. 20. 150. 197. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. I try to see the funny side of every situation. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. I am strong and getting stronger every day. 36. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 214. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. 70. Good morning! Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. 144. 1. 172. Sincerely, the floor. 179. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Good morning! A wishbone. Nobody gets out alive anyway. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. I make a difference by showing up fully. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. 181. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. They planet. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. My liver still works. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. In the morning, I cant get up. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. Effective pushing often involves poop. 111. It doesnt work if it is not open. 21. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. 136. 31. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 221. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. 234. 48. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. I am lazy till I get a motive. 222. Effective pushing often involves poop. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 75. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. How do astronomers organize a party? Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 207. 117. 197. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Because he was always spotted. Yeah, so is a grenade. I always find something funny in every situation. I just go normal from time to time. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. I am intelligent. 50. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. 38. Really? Some people are like clouds. Sam Levenson 3. 230. Frances McDormand, 42. 200. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. 225. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 99. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. 203. I thought you said extra fries. I will smile while I still have my teeth. Today is a great day. Flip Wilson, 263. Not everyone has good taste. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. Enjoy! When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. When they go away, its a brighter day.